Lura.net Blog
Lura's Blog Pg Lura's Blog Pg Lura's Blog Pg Lura's Blog Pg Lura's Blog Pg
What Fathers Give

Recently, I heard someone say Fathers instill a sense of self-esteem in their children.

I think it is extraordinarily poignant observation and it works both on the positive and negative side of the spectrum.  I have seen a lot of adult suffering that is a result of “daddy issues” and I have also seen some heart-warmingly tender father/child relationships.

Positive self-esteem shows up in the world as a sense of being ‘comfortable’ as oneself, knowing that it is OK to lead and to follow, rejecting ideas and actions that won’t be beneficial long-term, having a healthy weight, and a healthy attitude towards sex.  It is a sense of self-worth and self-definition that gives a person the confidence to reject and steer clear of the negative undercurrent of humanity.

Negative self-esteem shows up in the world as constantly seeking affirmation (needing attention, needing to be liked), acting erratically toward authoritarian figures, being stuck short-term thinking, and struggling with weight and sexual dysfunction.  Questions emanating from deep-seated uncertainty about what do I deserve? and what can I expect from others? dominate thoughts and undercut the ability to do long-term goal-setting and imagine good things in the future.

Of course, those with poor father figures can, over time, work to correct the issues.  A methodical approach to self-reflection and growth can overcome an weak, absent, or an abusive father… but it can take years of work to lay a new foundation to a house that’s already inhabited.

You don’t need to be perfect in order to instill good self-esteem: you can be divorced, or have vices, troubles, or failures.  In fact, it’s probably better if you aren’t perfect: a big part of self-esteem is the ability to be able to move past your failures in life.  So if you have failures, be thoughtful and use these times as a teachable moment showing grace and good manners in the face of adversity.

Good fathers bestow positive self-esteem by being a good role models: living with integrity, being in harmony with themselves, accepting wins and losses, and engaging their sons and daughters in a way that is respectful and patient.

In anticipation of Fathers Day, I want to applaud my many friends who are good fathers and positive role models.  Keep up the good work.

 


June 2000 / September 2000 / December 2000 / February 2001 / August 2001 / November 2001 / May 2002 / July 2002 / November 2002 / April 2003 / November 2004 / October 2005 / November 2005 / February 2006 / March 2006 / September 2006 / November 2006 / December 2006 / February 2007 / March 2007 / April 2007 / May 2007 / June 2007 / July 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / October 2007 / November 2007 / December 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 / May 2008 / June 2008 / July 2008 / August 2008 / September 2008 / October 2008 / November 2008 / December 2008 / January 2009 / February 2009 / March 2009 / April 2009 / May 2009 / June 2009 / July 2009 / August 2009 / September 2009 / October 2009 / November 2009 / January 2010 / February 2010 / March 2010 / May 2010 / June 2010 / July 2010 / August 2010 / September 2010 / October 2010 / November 2010 / December 2010 / January 2011 / February 2011 / March 2011 / April 2011 / August 2011 / March 2013 / July 2013 /

 

Log in · RSS